You Can't Force Him to be a Father

When I think of "baby momma" I automatically envision this woman yelling, rolling her neck, and acting a fool... All targeted at the child's father. Now... I may have said at a young age that I would never become a "baby momma." That didn't turn out well, but after becoming a "baby momma" I said, "I will never act like the stereotypical baby momma I'm use to hearing about or watching on television."

I am sad to report, that about a week ago (shout out to Bobby Shmurda) I had one of those moments. This all rooted from him not depositing money in my account as agreed. Unlike some women I actually need and use my child support to support my son. At the time, funds were low and my son needed diapers and formula. I went on a rampage! I called probably 20 times that day, left angry voicemails, angrier texts, and spent my whole day yelling and telling anyone that would listen. Needless to say, he did finally deposit the money, and I wrote off my rage as being passionate about my son and his needs. BULL!! This would have never been a problem if I wasn't upset about him being out of town and more importantly, our relationship not working and me being a single parent.

See... The thing is when you finally accept that the relationship is not working, no matter what, you and your child are going to be okay, and that you can't force him to be a father and do his part... You no longer have the "baby momma" moments.

Unfortunately, when you laid down (unwed), got knocked up, and made the decision to have your little precious angel; you also signed up for the possibility of raising this child on your own. As the old saying goes, "Momma's baby, Daddy's maybe," is fitting even if you take a DNA test and Maury says, "YOU ARE THE FATHER." The reality is, he can walk away and you will be left with all the responsibility. You won't believe the depths some men will go to in order to dodge child support. My father actually worked under another name to avoid it! I can say I am lucky in that my sons father is financially in a place to support him... That's about all. But the truth of the matter is WE, women, were built for "making things happen." Even if I didn't get that money for the diapers and formula, I would've found a way and been ok.

Here's the thing, no matter how loud you yell, how many mean texts and angry voicemails you leave... You cannot force him to be a father. That is something he will have to mature into, and for some that may never happen. After all the yelling, anger, and energy we've used on someone that's not worth it and will not even get it. He'll just write it off as, "she's tripping," "she must be on her cycle." You could've used that same energy and put it into something positive for your child or children, because ultimately that's all that matters.

So the next time you want to "have a baby momma moment." Stop and think, "what am I going to gain from this?" "How am I going to feel about myself after this?" "If my child were in the room or in the car during this drive by I'm about to do, and bear witness to this would they be proud of me?" If the answers are "no, horrible, and heck no." Don't do it! Go put that energy into something productive.

Though unexpected I'm loving being his momma!!

Who is Unexpected Baby Momma?

"All my life... I had to fight." Okay, shameless "Color Purple" plug, but seriously... All my life I have had to "fight" for everything I wanted, needed, and attained. It's not easy being an African American woman raised by a teenage mom in Detroit, Mi.

With that being said, I watched my mom bust her butt to raise me. She never sugar coated how hard it was to be a single parent, and from that moment I vowed... "I will never be a baby momma."

Fast-forward through high school, college, move to Dallas, Tx, careers, more school, horrible dating experiences (some more scaring than others), and finally being swept off my feet by Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome, a few lustful nights and the "Plan B" that failed... I became the unexpected BABY MOMMA!

I've created this blog to help all mothers, single or married, to just make it! Know that yes it is difficult to be a mother, but no matter what you go through... Motherhood is the most difficult, yet rewarding job you'll ever have.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't look at my son and he warms my heart! He is worth every bad man choice, low self esteem decision, and lustful nights (which still give me chills). I'd go through it all again if it meant being able to have the pleasure of raising him. Although unexpected, I love being his momma!!

In this blog I'll give you advice you can use to cope with the daily struggle, the baby daddy, father figure, or father, and even just uplifting advice to emotionally being the best you because sometimes that's half the battle! No, I don't wear "baby momma" like a badge of honor I'd actually prefer "mother of his child," but let's be real... When he refers to you to his friends, you're "baby momma."